Only a mothe r could love this liver
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
