my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
