tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
