I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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