Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
