I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
