Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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