Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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