Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
