he puts the penis in happiness.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
