Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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