you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
