You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize