I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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