He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
