I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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