im about as happy as oj after his trial
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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