He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
