You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Randomize
