My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
