my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
