Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize