im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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