we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
