So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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