Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You took a bar mat shot.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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