morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
