This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
