I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize