you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
