I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize