I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
