uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize