Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
