She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
