distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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