i think i have two assholes
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
