shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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