You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
