Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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