I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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