please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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