I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
