First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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