Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
