Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
