i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
