I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
