3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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