I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
