areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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