Just cropdusted the office
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
