you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
