i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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