Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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