Duck Duck Cougar?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
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