I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
