bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
