my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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