Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
