im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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