so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
