My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
