playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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