you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize