she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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