...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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