Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
