Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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